I’ve landed in Paris.
Usually, when I’m taking an overnight flight across the Atlantic, I prepare by having several beers at the airport before boarding, then at least one more on the plane, as well as champagne before dinner, if it’s offered, and wine with dinner, finishing the meal with a digestif. I always figured that more alcohol would equal more sleep.
This time, I tried an experiment that was so bold, so crazy, so insane that it couldn’t possibly work.
I tried not drinking alcohol at all.
Much to my surprise and delight, I managed to sleep for more than half the ten-hour flight. Who knew?
Apart from the brazen experiment, the flight from Phoenix was uneventful, right until it was time to start our descent. Charles de Gaulle Airport was fogged in right down to the deck this morning, so we passengers were asked to turn off all our electronic devices, even those in airplane mode, apparently to reduce the risk of radio interference with the landing systems. The cabin crew felt that it was important enough that they made the announcement twice, in English and French each time.
However, the young Chinese woman sitting across the empty middle seat from me, who didn’t appear to speak either English or French, decided to choose that moment to strike up a conversation with me, using her phone to translate. So, very nicely, being my usual charming self, I asked her phone to tell her to turn off her phone. I guess something was lost in translation, and she went back to Instagram or whatever CCP equivalent she was on. A few minutes later, a flight attendant came by and reminded her in French to shut off her phone. It was as useless as the previous announcements.
Finally, I decided to try a word that’s the same in every language. I looked directly at her and asked, “iPhone?” She nodded, and I motioned for her to give me her phone. More trusting than I would have been with a stranger, she handed me her phone, and although I couldn’t read her screen, I pressed the sequence of buttons to power off her phone. She finally got the message and left the phone off until we landed.
Aviation catastrophe averted, and a reminder that not all heroes wear capes.
